Greg's fastest and worst date... ever.

   I had a date tonight.  That in itself isn't a rare thing.  I have a set of rules for dating that in part, contain something like this:  I'll go on a first date with anyone.  As long as they want to go out, I'll give them a day in "court".  I like this policy, because I've found that many ladies that I thought I'd like, turned out to be ladies I would not entertain on a second date.  Also, many ladies that I thought for SURE would be one time dates turned into many dates.   You never know, ya know?

   This is why people think it's amazing (but if you do the math, it's not) that years ago, I knew that I had been on over 1,000 first dates.  Take an extroverted flirty man, who doesn't see what the big deal is about walking up and asking a girl out, add enough time, shake lightly -  1,000 first dates.  I mean really... what's the big deal.  It's really a game of numbers.  If you (speaking to both the guys and gals here) are in a bar, or club, or on the street, or on a bus, or in Denny's and see an attractive person, why not ask them out?  Best case- you get the person's number.  Worst case - you don't get their number.  The negatives are the exact same if you ask or sit there, but the positives only move upward if you get out of your chair (or "scoot" closer to theirs, in the case of the bus).  You have nothing to lose except a little self esteem, but A) that self esteem is boosted when you DO get the number of the pretty girl/handsome guy, and B) if they say no, then they were obviously intimidated by your awesomeness.  Win/Win.

   In the spirit of that, I will tell you what is to date, the fastest date I was ever on, the fastest time from asking out to going on the date, and the worst date of all time (for me).   I bring this story up, because as I said earlier, I had a date tonight.  I met this most recent lady through an online dating site (OKCupid), and we have talked a few times.  Yes, a dating site may seem odd, but every one of you have looked at them, so don't give me that "down the nose" look.  So I talked to her for a week or so, and we were going to go catch some coffee and food.  While talking, we realized that I know a guy she works with through her job.  Today, she talked to him (fishing for info, which was cute) and he casually mentioned that years ago, I dated a black girl.  She sent me a text asking if it was true, I said yes and asked why, to which she replied that that was gross, and she didn't want to go out with me tonight.  "Thanks! You saved me $30.00!" was my reply. 

Regardless, here is the epic story:

   So, there I was, strolling through a mall in Little Rock, Arkansas.  I was walking with my recently purchased goods, when I passed this particular girl.  I didn't see her when she passed, because I was trying to not run into the 3 billion people around me, but when she passed, I caught her smell.  (It should be noted that it's rare for me to really flip over perfume.)  I stopped, turned, and while doing so very loudly, make a "oooo" sound..   It was like this: "ooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOoo GIRL!   You smell GOOD!" That is when she turned around (along with 3 billion others) and smiled when she saw me standing there, GAP bag in hand, with a puppydawg look on my face.

   We talked in the hall (screw those pedestrians, I was smitten) and I asked her out.  But she was leaving the city in a few hours, and would not be back for weeks, so I asked her out RIGHT THEN.  As in going to eat now.  So, off we went.

   For those of you that know Little Rock, next to the mall, is a U.S. Pizza company about 1/2 a mile away.  We hopped in my car, drove down, and took up a table. 

   From "ooo" to leaving the mall: about 3 minutes. 

   So we sat there, and started chatting.  Nothing heavy yet, just flirty banter.  The waitress came, and took our drink order, left, and had just come back to the table to drop off the drinks.  As the waitress left, my new date glanced behind me, leaned over close to me, and said "UGH! I just hate it when those nigger girls take all my men."

   (I purposelessly jumped into that part, because I really want to convey how soon after we got to the restaurant that she dropped that bomb.)

   I turned, and saw a white guy walking into the joint, with a black girl, hand in hand.  

   What do you say/do/feel, when you meet a new girl, take her to a place to chow on some pies, and she drops this opinion, before you find out anything more than her  first name?  I'm there, Coke in hand, sipping, when she said this, and I'll tell you what I did...  I kept drinking.  I'm sure a diagram would have looked like a pinball machine.  <bong> "Did she just say what I think she... <bong bing> "She DID! wait..  did I hear that righ... <bongbingbing> "Am I being punked?"

<bingbongbingbongbongbongbongbingbingbongbongbingLIGHTS!HORNS! WEEOOOWEEE!!>

   I put down my drink (mainly because I sucked the whole thing down, which would have given me brain freeze, if I had the necessary equipment) and said calmly "I'll be right back", then excused myself to the bathroom.

   So there I am, in the bathroom, just casually leaned back on the wall, wondering what to do.  It was a process of elimination 
     1- Is there anything she can say to redeem herself?
          Nope.
     2- Do I want to keep going with this date?
          Nope
     3- Do I even want her in my car again?
          Nope
 
   The solution was obvious, so I did what may be considered one of the more assholish things I've done in my life.   I left.  I just left.  I walked out of the bathroom, walked outside, got into my car, and drove home. 

   From "ooo" to leaving U.S. Pizza:  about 9 minutes.

   After some time I imagine she sent someone into the bathroom to see if I was OK.  I imagine that the guy that went in there, came out with a puzzled look on his face, and reported that there was no one in there.  I also imagine that her face upon hearing this.  Imagining her face makes me giggle sometimes. 

   Oh, I'm sure she called one of her friends to come get her, or strolled the 1/2 mile back to the mall.  If she did stroll back, I would have loved to have passed her in the same hallway.  If that had happened, I think I would have went "ooooOOOOooOOo" at her again and acted like I just met her.   Not because I would take her out again, but just to see if I could keep a straight face when she yelled at me. 

Greg